I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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