So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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