she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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