Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
