My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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