look no pants
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
