is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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