omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
