I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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