how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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