sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
