You're completely useless in the revolution.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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