this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
