Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
