Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
