I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
