i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
