would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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