Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
