So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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