I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
