I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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