HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
