Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Send help, water and tortillas.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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