i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
