so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
