I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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