I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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