What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
