P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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