There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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