so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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