oh god the rape fog is back!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
