He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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