I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize