And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
