when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
