One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
