We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
