You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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