can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
