Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
