did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
