You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
