thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
