sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
