Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
