I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
