it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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