whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
