I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
