eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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