I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
