Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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