Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
