i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
The air taste purple.
Randomize
