At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
