ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I would fuck him just for his dog
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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