she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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