You can't special order awesome
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
