Nicole vs. Life
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
