Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
