So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
