I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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