So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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