Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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