It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
