Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you would pick up someone in the library
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
