yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
