I could have mohawked her pubes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
