I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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