i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
