They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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