I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
